Out of Sight

Didn't mean to be away so long. Life gets in the way of everything else at times.

So where have I been for the past year and a half. The answer is working two jobs. After hubby and I had a run of bad luck with our vehicles, I felt the need to get a second job to catch up on bills. I have been working at a retail chain pharmacy. I started out a front of the store clerk, moved to working the photo department and ended up in the actual pharmacy as pharmacy technician. It actually started out as fun, but I have been feeling  really stressed lately, it has been fun, and I am tired of being tired. I have informed them that I will be leaving soon, but I will wait to help move the store to the new building.  I still feel the need to make some extra money but I will decide about what it will be later.

So what happened to the indoor garden that was transplanted outside. The answer is, it died. Right after I transplanted the plants, I started working 15-20 hours per week at a second jobs. I just didn't feel like caring for it and it died. I reduced that hours I was working at the store, planted a new garden and then the drought came, and it died. I decided not to plant a garden this year.

Also by accident, I ended up making lip butter (lip balm - you can say balm on a label according to the FDA, because then it implies healing and is a drug.) and body butters, for a local art gallery. I'm not making any money at it, but it does sell enough for me to pay for some of the ingredients and packaging.

I took about two months off, from my real job, as it really did make me crazy. After 12 and 1/2 years there, I was just so overwhelmed by everything, that I just couldn't handle anything for a time. I had medications changed and started in therapy, and I'm doing better. I still have a pretty low stress tolerance, which is part of the reason job number 2 needs to go. At the moment my primary goal, is to get into a different "real" job, as I am still having a hard time dealing with my immediate supervisor and the number two person in charge. I really cannot handle figuratively being hit over the head about what I need to do. I am doing my job and I am doing it correctly, just not necessarily the way they would do it.I wish I could set down guideline on how they talk to me and when they can intervene on how I am doing my job.

I have been trying to take better care of myself. I have been running more, to deal with my stress and anxiety. I have been having fun a variety of local 5K and one 10K so far. I am just having fun, these are fun runs and no stress is allowed. I am hoping to do a trail run and 1/2 marathon sometime before June. I think March is looking good for the 1/2.

Jester had a little boy in March so I have a new nephew in the ever growing group.  Not  a lot changes family wise.

Anyway obviously a lot has happened since last April. I doing OK and hoping to be doing better soon.

Life doesn't always go smoothly, but no matter how bad the day, I have a 100% record of getting through.

Indoor Garden (part 3)

It's been 7 weeks since I started my indoor garden.

 First off what I thought was spinach was lettuce.  It has grown really well. I had my first cut last week and used it on Navajo Tacos. To cut loose leaf you cut about one inch up from the base and you should get a second grow. At least that is what I read. We'll wait and see.

Green Beans are growing really well. Here is a pictures of growing bean pods. As this picture is from last week, the pods are twice as big now. Looks like Mister and I will have good meal of green beans.  I have learned that beans and peas do better if you inoculate them with nitrogen fixing bacteria, which I picked up for my outdoor garden beans last week. (So excited for spring).

  My peas are still growing, the base leafs have started to dry and yellow. I have been reading the internet for an answer but I don't have a definite yet. I need to pick up a pH test and that should answer it. I am hoping the answer is add magnesium not you have root rot fungus.

The pepper and tomatoes are growing well, but no where close to start bearing fruit. The spinach has never really taken off. I need to read a book on companion plants to see if spinach and beans don't play well together or if there is something else wrong.

From what I've found in my gardening books and on the internet the condition are otherwise fine for growing spinach. Maybe I will have an answer in my next garden post.



Now is the time to plant broccoli and carrots outdoors and start my outdoor plants. Maybe I won't kill them all this summer.

Happy Growing.

On Wanting and Infertility

The 10 commandments warn against greed and being covetous.

Buddhism’s  2nd Noble truth is “suffering arises from attachments to desires.”

Sikhism
Adi Granth, Sri Raga Ashtpadi, M.1, p. 61
    Envy and desire and ambition drive a man out of the world.

Hinduism
Bhagavad Gita 3.36-41
Clinging, in bondage to desires, not seeing
in bondage any fault, thus bound and fettered,
never can they cross the flood so wide and mighty.

Blinded are beings by their sense desires
spread over them like a net; covered are they
by cloak of craving; by their heedless ways
caught as a fish in the mouth of a funnel-net.

Decrepitude and death they journey to,
just as a sucking calf goes to its mother.

Confucianism
Analects 9.17
    There is no crime greater than having too many desires;
There is no disaster greater than not being content;
There is no misfortune greater than being covetous.

I’m sure my dear reader that you are wondering why the religion lesson and what does it have to do with infertility. It doesn’t have to do with infertility it has to do with desire and happiness. All major world religions talk about the negative effects of desire (or wanting) on a person's psyche.

The closer I get to forty the greater I feel the ache of knowing I won’t have children.  For a time, I had been dealing with it generally well, keeping in mind the positive spin of being child-free. Then two things happened. Elster let me know at then end of May last year she was pregnant with her forth child. Then that July I had the most unexpected positive pregnancy test and subsequent miscarriage. How does one not rage against God, like a petulant child screaming “That’s not fair! Why I am I supposed to be this strong? How can I bear this?”    How do I get over the general feeling I am broken and that I am being punished for not being a good person.  Like every other loss, you just move forward. I remind myself of all the good things I have, and that I have everything I need and most things I want.  And when I need to really kick myself in the butt, I remember I’m not Job, and he was a far more faithful servant of God than I am.

I know I will find a balance point and I will be happy. I just need to live more simply, accept the things I have, and just let go.

As  Tao Te Ching- 37 says “When there is no desire, all things are at peace.” May you find your peace.

My Family

Sometimes I will write about my family. I have thought about what to call them when I am referencing them in a post etc. So this post is to sort of a legend to my family members I am most likely to reference.

Parents
Dadster - born October 1947
Momster - born November 1948

Brothers
ElBro - oldest brother and sibling - born June 1970
LilBro - youngest brother  - born September 1986

Sisters
Elster - older sister - born May 1973
Twinster - twin sister - born December 1974
Tripster - my adopted sister (sometimes called my triplet) - born November 1974
Amster - my younger sister - born June 1985
Jester- my youngest sister and youngest sibling - born January 1988

Husband
Mister


Hope this will help in the future.

Wine Racks and Rolling-Pins

In January 2006, Mister and I bought 33 acres of land and broke ground for our house in June of that year. We built our house together, with help from friends and family (to whom I will always be grateful), and some outside contractors for some larger tasks. It was a very long project and an experience I am not certain I want to repeat. However, it something I am quite proud of and glad I was able to do with my partner.

My co-workers, family and friends always ask if our house is done yet. My response is generally "Is anyone house ever done?". There is always something that needs to be done. To that end, I wanted to showcase a couple of small projects that were recently completed from our construction waste. 

Wine Rack

First up is our new wine rack. After 2 years of having a box of wine sitting on the counter, I came up with an idea for a wine rack and Mister made it. This was made from a piece of scrap 1" x 4"  and a scrap of 4" PVC pipe. The pipe was cut into 4" sections with a band-saw and the the sharp edges were filed down. 3/16" pilot holes were drilled in the PVC on one side and 1/2" holes opposite the pilot holes to make it easier to attach the PVC to the wood. The PVC sections were mounted to the 1" x 4", using woods screws. These were set at a slight angle, so the air bubble would sit below the cork. This was then all painted with plastic primer and then 2 coats of metallic bronze spray paint.  The wine rack was the mounted to the side of the cabinet a few inches from the wall so the bottles would stay in place.

If you want to make this without needing a corner, you could use pipe caps at one end, but you will need to make the PVC sections longer, so the bottles won't tip out. 

Second is the rolling-pin holder. Mister came up this on his own, when he got tired of having to relocate the rolling-pin.  This was made from a scraps of 2" x 4" and 1" x 4".  A 1-1/4" hole was drilled through the top piece, so the rolling-pin handle would slide through and a 1" hole was drill part-way through the bottom piece to support the other rolling-pin handle. He drilled holes into the back of the 1" x 4" to set in 3/8" rare earth magnet top and bottom, so the rolling-pin could be hung on the refrigerator. The 2" x 4" pieces were glued and screwed to the 1" x 4".   No finish was put on the holder. 

I didn't really give dimensions because if you make one, you will need to make it to fit your rolling-pin. Remember you will need enough room to slide the rolling-pin in but still not so much that the handles won't be supported. You can buy rare earth magnets online or at hardware/woodworking stores. They come a variety of sizes and strengths. If you find that your rolling-pin holder wants to slide you can put a magnetic business card at bottom and it will stop the slide. An alternate to that is to glue shelf liner (the slight puffy kind) to the back, but you will need to leave the magnets sticking out a bit to compensate.

Indoor Garden (part 2)

Three weeks have now passed and my little garden is growing well. 

When your plants begin to sprout, you are suppose to trim back the weaker ones, so they don't crowd and over use resources. In my fear of cutting them back I may have waited to long and killed my spinach.  It is looking really pale and limp.  I think there may be a metaphor for life in this story. 

The beans and peas looked so good, that I didn't want to trim any of them back. So I bought a third tub and transplanted the peas into it and separated the green beans into two rows. I thinned the spinach and there seems to be so little now. I hope that it will recover. I also thinned the peppers and tomatoes.

Not pictured  are the herbs. The chives finally made an appearance, but the cilantro and basil are filling out well. The herbs just don't make as dramatic of changes as the veggies do.

My Indoor Garden (part 1)

I have two large bay windows on the southeast corn of my house. Deciding I should take advantage of the south facing window, I have planted an indoor garden. I did some research on the internet, flipped through my gardening books, discussed with my twinster, and proceeded to do it my way. 

I bought two tubs that are  11 inches x 18  inches across the top. I filled the bottom couple of inches with rock, (I just went out to my gravel road and helped myself), to give some drainage.  I covered the rocks with weed barrier fabric to keep the soil from shift down into the rocks. Then mixed coir and potting soil together and filled my tubs. I also filled 3 small pots with potting soil to grow herbs. 

The herb pots have chives, cilantro and sweet basil. The orange tub has large hot peppers, spinach and cherry tomatoes. The yellow tub as peas, green beans and black seeded Samson leaf lettuce. It has been one week since I planted the seeds, and most of the vegetables have sprouted and are peeking their head out.  The herbs haven't shown their tips yet, but I have my fingers crossed.

Since I failed to label the orange tub I am not certain if it is the tomatoes or the peppers that have started to show. But look at those lovely clumps of greens in the middle, I will need to then my spinach soon. 

I'll try to keep up on posts, so we can see how my garden grows.